Amount of money saved: $0
since i started work 10 months ago.
i need to buck up. today i have a lot to tell you, whoever you are. i just realised how therapeutic it is to pen down your thoughts and feelings. even if there's no audience.
i am a loser, seriously. i've tried so hard to not belittle myself but tonight particularly, i feel like a dump. i... i think i have a problem. it's not so big. it's just me. i need to better myself and think of positive things.
you don't even know what i feel inside. there's chaos inside my mind. my heart is shattered and it's not even because of a man. it's humans. and how they are now. people change, i should know that. but i didn't expect this change. i'm someone who people don't give a second thought to. i am easily ignored. but don't you think i have a say? it's ok, there's Allah S.W.T i wouldn't have known what to do or even feel if i don't think of Him. positive vibes, they say. don't overthink, they say.
MY WHOLE LIFE I'VE BEEN IGNORED. NOT GIVEN A THOUGHT TO. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? it's better now, in sha Allah because He know best. He knows what we're feeling even without us having to confide. but today, ya Allah, today was a big test. i hope i passed. i think i didn't. i'm feeling better. the way i'm writing this, i sound crazy right? i'm not hahahaha
some day a prince will come along. oh, i'm a hopeless romantic too. i dream of a prince who will sweep me away from the madness of this life. some day i will have someone who's willing to listen and understand this turmoil. someone who knows everything but still choose to stick around. who am i kidding? i can't expect all these from a friend. friend, hah. in sha Allah, soon. i want to get hitched soon. people might say it's too early but i don't mind. my ideal age to get hitched has always been 25 and is still that age but if someone comes along, i'm fine. i want to achieve my dreams though. it's not all about getting married and having kids and... die. i know all that won't matter when you're dead but what you contribute to your life will.
i'm better now. thanks, for whatever. you're not even listening. whoever you are.
i hope you come into my life soon, whoever you are.
xoxo,
princess fy
