It’s almost the end of the year. How fast time flies huh? I feel that even if it’s a short year, a lot of things happened especially emotionally for me. Even if it seems uneventful for most, I think that I have gone through another year of growth. I am still the same person, meek and distrustful towards most people. I can know a person for years and still feel alienated. I can talk to a person but there’s always a niggling thought that they will betray me. Although I am composed most of the time, these thoughts do bite me in the back and cause me to express my insecurities onto others. I would say I know myself when it comes to self reflection like this but it doesn’t make me any less of a human. I feel too much all on my own and overthink the littlest thoughts.

Human relationships will always be my biggest issue. It all stems from my overthinking and what makes it worst is that I have nobody to talk to. It sounds a little sad and honestly, it causes me a lot of heartache that I tear up at the thought of it. People will think I’m being arrogant when I know myself that I have tried my best to get close to them. It could also be that at times I don’t really know how to act around others. A lot would say that I just have to be myself and I am being myself, it’s just that I am awkward af. When I feel that I have shared and laughed too much with others, it makes me a little self conscious and I tend to pull back.

You see, I actually have a lot to talk about. Usually I will just keep it until I can connect and talk to someone about it but by that time, the excitement would have died down. Sometimes, I feel that I live my life with no excitement. I just hope that I grow as a person who wouldn’t cause burden to others. Even if this world only accepts the happy people, I hope that someday I will find acceptance. To be who I am and comfortable in my own skin.