I have a lot to say in this post.

Firstly, am I ugly? Hahahahaha ok considering the fact that you've(reader) never seen me, I don't think you can judge. I hate this feeling you know. I know everyone is beautiful in their own way but I can't help thinking who would fall for a person like me. You know? There are those people that everyone falls for because they are good looking. All right maybe not fall in love but like they're attracted to them. But beauty is only skin deep right? The real deal lies in the heart of the beholder. Yup, just carry on being you, Afiqah, you're not that bad of a person. Wow, that's a good pep talk I just gave myself.

Now that's done with, how do I know I'm actually moving in life? Or rather if I'm doing the right thing. I should be braver. Man, I really should. Most importantly, I have to be stronger. There are times where I find myself in situations that I do not want to get affected by but I realise that I do care after all. Like for example, a friend told me this person was seen with a girl and I became curious as hell. The thing about this person is, he's not part of my life.

All right, all right, let's get to the heart of the matter. I'm actually still upset he ignored me. I still believe it was for the best but the human side of me still wants to know him. I'm curious as to why he didn't bother talking to me. It makes me think that I'm not worth being his friend. I may be interested in him but it doesn't mean I still will be when I know him. Maybe I'll just see him as a friend. Oh well, I'm actually jealous of the girls in his life. But I don't think I want to know someone who has so many choices. Honestly, I want to be a part of his life and I want him to be a part of my life.

Now that I've let that out, I feel better. There's no conclusion, I know but it clears up my mind at least. Lately I've been thinking deeply about relationships and I think I don't want to get into one. I've never been in one after all. I think its better that way. He knows best, after all. When the right time comes, the only relationship I'll be in will be my first and last. I am humbled that He's protecting me from the hurt a temporary relationship would cause me. When I get into a relationship, the only thing that matters is His protection and guidance in leading us to His path. Amin.

I may say this easily but the hard part comes when people around you are all about boyfriends and girlfriends and its the only thing that seems to keep the conversation going. There's nothing wrong though. They say every word is dua and I pray that everyone around me finds someone worthy of them but I really don't want to think too much about it. I wanna get married but nows not the time yet.

I have a school!!! As in, I have a diploma to complete!! Alhamdulillah. I'm still thankful to Allah SWT for the opportunity and I hope I don't let it go to waste. I need to realign my focus. Going to school and having to work will be a little hard but in sha Allah, it'll go well. I also have a Langkawi trip to look forward to! Ya Allah so many things to be happy about! Hahahha ok don't be sad yah. I think I'm done.

Good night!

xoxo,
princess fy