i just feel like letting out my feelings. isn't that the whole point of this blog? haha

you know, for a long long time before, i was a very sad person. like very suicidal. all i thought about was i would be better off dead so it would make people happier and besides, my presence makes no difference.

i was wrong. i am important. maybe not to people in this world but i am important to myself at least. i am indebted to Allah S.W.T for giving me this life. i should be thankful and i am, for everyday of my life.

i'm scared. of returning back to that phase. i pray that i do not return to being a sad person who only thinks that death is the only escape. Amin.

i wish though, and i hope people would understand. i easily let people affect my mood through what they say and how they act. i'm too observant. i care too much about the way people look or act towards me and then i overthink. that's really bad. it only hinders my chance at being happy. and happiness is a choice. if one day i decide to not care at all, it would just mean my heart has hardened and that's even worst. i'm going to let people affect me but i'm going to overcome it too. you see, it is after all, how i handle it that really matters, right? if i let things affect me too much, of course it'll bother me. if i brush it off, then it would only open up paths to my happiness

ridha رضاء. what it means is to be content and at peace with what's determined by Allah S.W.T. i am still striving for that. after all the prayers and my efforts at not letting things easily get to me, i leave it up to Allah S.W.T to provide me ease for all my sufferings. and indeed, He does not let his slave suffer what they cannot handle.

i only hope whatever i say will stay for a long, long time. we are filled with doubts all the time but it is very important to keep the faith. in sha Allah, it'll get better.

xoxo,
princess fy