Every time I get extremely sad and down, I was made to feel like my imaan was weak. Actually, I think my feelings were mostly made invalid. But the fact is I was struggling to hold onto faith and have hope that things will get better. And I usually end up getting out of it all by myself, with the help of Allah swt.
I wouldn’t discount the fact that He sent me wonderful people around me to keep me strong. But let’s be real, you usually get back up all by yourself. They don’t know how to support you with love and I don’t blame them. They are usually busy with their own little lives. And that’s ok. I just feel hurt when I think about things like these and I try to avoid it.
Do you understand why I long for a companion now? I want to listen to someone who wants me to be there. I want to be the comfort of someone going through pain and know that I will always be there for him. For you. Not just anybody but you. I am not desperate in any sense because if it’s not you, I don’t want anybody else. That might feel a little forceful but trust me, I don’t want you either if you’re not into committing. And here I have people thinking I don’t know my worth.
I have always dreamed of a love where it’s just you and me against the world. How wonderful that sounds right? The reality is that there will be so many voices weighing in. I will usually be in my own thoughts. That’s where your presence comes to take me away from my thoughts. Ah, love... what a simple yet complicated feeling to go into. If it’s one-sided, does it mean it’s not love? I think it still is. Just not reciprocated. And that sucks cos only one person will have to deal with the consequences.
That’s life after all. When you go through pain, it’s not about making you bitter but to keep you grounded and always learning to love again. It’s a little scary but it’s worth it I hope.
