Life isn’t always beautiful, but it’s a beautiful ride.

Maybe the idea of life is to embrace the adversities and go through them, with a smile if possible. We should never seek for pity because if we exhaust that, then where do we stand? Sometimes I feel that I am too emotionally independent that I become too numb. It makes me unable to understand and sympathise with the state of others. Or maybe I do, it’s just that I can’t express it as easily.

I can say I haven’t been through much, not in the ride or die sense but there were a lot of times I felt like I was taken for granted. When you are someone who is always available to others, you tend to be taken lightly. They only need you when they are facing problems but when it comes to you, you’ll have to go through it all by yourself. A lot of times it’s just you going through things by yourself and then realising that hey, you can be all alone. Although there are times where you really, really wish that someone can be there for you. Someone who is truly a companion and a partner to you, not just when times are good but also when times are bad.

You’ll learn that in time, I hold a lot of feelings in me. I am readily forgiving and I am always available for you. And it’s not because I don’t know my value, but because I know what it feels like. I don’t want to put others in that spot and having to go through things alone. For as long as I can take it, I’ll be there for others. I will make myself available to people. Because truly, I am not alone. To put it religiously, I know that Allah swt is with me. My intentions to be with people is not to suck up or impress others but rather, I hope to be a light when it is only darkness that they see.

I know that saying it won’t make a difference, it’s all in the actions. You can say a lot of things but if people don’t believe you, it doesn’t matter at all. There will be times that they will make fun of you and that’s ok. It’s not because you are being stupid. It’s because they don’t have an answer to your intelligence. Stop putting yourself down, you are really better than you think you are. I hope that I am able to pull through despite my insecurities and doubts. Whatever, I hope you know you’ll get there.